ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
I'm trying to remind myself that having nothing to write about is a great excuse to start writing. It sounds entirely counter-intuitive, yes, but the truth is we seem to hide things from ourselves because we think it'll lessen the stresses in our lives, to make it seem like there's less we have to worry about... but it's wrong. We still worry about the bumps in the night heard from deep down in our subconscious, and there's one thing I know happens when I write a letter to you:
I can't lie.
I know you're fictional, of course, Princess... I know you'll never get these letters, but I've been around the block many times already and I know a trick or two about cognitive dissonance for fun and profit. I used to be a catholic once. But I know how the mind twists itself like a circus contortionist when it believes it's facing a higher power that knows all. And does knowing you're fictional conflict with the idea that you know my heart already? Sure it does. But it doesn't prevent it from happening... because every person on this earth has a hole in them that they've traditionally filled, for eons, with a sense of belonging to something greater. It's our instinct to believe in things we can't possibly prove or understand, if only because it brings us together socially, or enables differing societies to compete.
So I'm not uncomfortable at all believing in you, Princess Celestia, and hoping that you would, at least hypothetically, believe in me.
I'm still dancing around the point, alas. The point is, my neglect is catching up to me. I realize now that it's been almost a year since I've been employed and even though I've submitted many job applications, and placed many calls, it seems the only outfit that still wants anything to do with me is Bronycon. I'm proud that Bronycon would still have me on their security team... but except for that one weekend out of an entire year, I have nothing to show for.
Over the past twelve months, I've had more 'free time' than ever before... and yet I don't draw. What do I do? I play video games. Fallout 3. TF2. Minecraft. FFXIV. Starbound ... it all just kind of meshes together into a glob of accrued worthless trivia. But even when I force myself to stop, I often stare at a blank canvas with my mind even emptier than the screen... I thought, if only I could have kept up with the Shipping and Handling project, I'd be such a better artist by now. I'd be able to crank out pictures in an hour! So many hours... so many pictures never drawn...
I wanted to say more, Celestia. I'm sorry but I seem to have run out. Maybe I'll try again soon.
I can't lie.
I know you're fictional, of course, Princess... I know you'll never get these letters, but I've been around the block many times already and I know a trick or two about cognitive dissonance for fun and profit. I used to be a catholic once. But I know how the mind twists itself like a circus contortionist when it believes it's facing a higher power that knows all. And does knowing you're fictional conflict with the idea that you know my heart already? Sure it does. But it doesn't prevent it from happening... because every person on this earth has a hole in them that they've traditionally filled, for eons, with a sense of belonging to something greater. It's our instinct to believe in things we can't possibly prove or understand, if only because it brings us together socially, or enables differing societies to compete.
So I'm not uncomfortable at all believing in you, Princess Celestia, and hoping that you would, at least hypothetically, believe in me.
I'm still dancing around the point, alas. The point is, my neglect is catching up to me. I realize now that it's been almost a year since I've been employed and even though I've submitted many job applications, and placed many calls, it seems the only outfit that still wants anything to do with me is Bronycon. I'm proud that Bronycon would still have me on their security team... but except for that one weekend out of an entire year, I have nothing to show for.
Over the past twelve months, I've had more 'free time' than ever before... and yet I don't draw. What do I do? I play video games. Fallout 3. TF2. Minecraft. FFXIV. Starbound ... it all just kind of meshes together into a glob of accrued worthless trivia. But even when I force myself to stop, I often stare at a blank canvas with my mind even emptier than the screen... I thought, if only I could have kept up with the Shipping and Handling project, I'd be such a better artist by now. I'd be able to crank out pictures in an hour! So many hours... so many pictures never drawn...
I wanted to say more, Celestia. I'm sorry but I seem to have run out. Maybe I'll try again soon.
Open Letters to Celestia - #38
Dear Princess Celestia, I don't know where I left off, so picking up from there is perhaps an order too tall. Frankly, pausing to read back feels like it would just be a stalling maneuver, and I have had far too many of those for one lifetime already. I even feel uncertain as to exactly what I should write, because I am so rusty... but I have long since decided that it is high time I made an attempt. Here goes nothing, Your Majesty. I've been working at a company for whom I am rather fond since roughly May 2018. The previous place didn't work out for a multitude of reasons. Seems I am prone to giving myself a kind of self-inflicted Stockholm Syndrome as a survival mechanism when I have to deal with people who do not have my interests at heart, let alone my best ones. Is that so rare, actually? I feel as though I've seen similar sentiments from many people. This position I work now feels fundamentally different, however, as the so-called "honeymoon phase" never ended for me. I am
Open Letters to Celestia - #37
Dear Princess Celestia,
I struggle with finding a place to begin. Years have passed and they haven’t been kind. there’s been a lot on my plate on and off, and I’m not doing as well as I thought I’d be, even though upon looking at my past there have been far darker times for me than these. I remember contemplating drastic actions that would have caused a great deal of harm. Thankfully, my exercise of attempting to reframe my regrets from an angle of gratitude rushes in - I’m glad I didn’t follow the darkest paths available.
I passingly thought, “would that i could be writing to you of gladder tidings
Open Letters to Celestia - #36
Dear Princess Celestia,
It's funny how positive I was in the last letter only for things to take the most severe dip they ever had in years. And yet, somehow I'm writing you from an even better place right now, your majesty. I had some rough patches start to accumulate as the month of April wore on. Certain proclivities of certain people at my job crossed some kind of threshold that I always knew was there, but never knew the specific location of, until it was behind us. A line was crossed. I can sum up the entirety of April as follows:
Pressure mounted, and with the help of my sister we did not crack under pressure but rather shined. I l
Open Letters to Celestia - #34
Dear Princess Celestia,
... There have been some developments since last I wrote you. Life goes on. For once, however, I do feel as though I've gotten somewhere. There are a few ways in which I've somehow managed to wrest control of my life back into my own hooves. Some of these ways are controversial, but the fact that they work despite certain sources of friction even coming from people who care about me very much only seems to further confirm to me the efficacy of my methods.
There is something I'm doing now that I haven't ever before... getting to a healthier point, physically, than I have ever had prior in my adult life. Since february
© 2014 - 2024 Cyclone-Dusk
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In