I'm trying to remind myself that having nothing to write about is a great excuse to start writing. It sounds entirely counter-intuitive, yes, but the truth is we seem to hide things from ourselves because we think it'll lessen the stresses in our lives, to make it seem like there's less we have to worry about... but it's wrong. We still worry about the bumps in the night heard from deep down in our subconscious, and there's one thing I know happens when I write a letter to you:
I can't lie.
I know you're fictional, of course, Princess... I know you'll never get these letters, but I've been around the block many times already and I know a trick or two about cognitive dissonance for fun and profit. I used to be a catholic once. But I know how the mind twists itself like a circus contortionist when it believes it's facing a higher power that knows all. And does knowing you're fictional conflict with the idea that you know my heart already? Sure it does. But it doesn't prevent it from happening... because every person on this earth has a hole in them that they've traditionally filled, for eons, with a sense of belonging to something greater. It's our instinct to believe in things we can't possibly prove or understand, if only because it brings us together socially, or enables differing societies to compete.
So I'm not uncomfortable at all believing in you, Princess Celestia, and hoping that you would, at least hypothetically, believe in me.
I'm still dancing around the point, alas. The point is, my neglect is catching up to me. I realize now that it's been almost a year since I've been employed and even though I've submitted many job applications, and placed many calls, it seems the only outfit that still wants anything to do with me is Bronycon. I'm proud that Bronycon would still have me on their security team... but except for that one weekend out of an entire year, I have nothing to show for.
Over the past twelve months, I've had more 'free time' than ever before... and yet I don't draw. What do I do? I play video games. Fallout 3. TF2. Minecraft. FFXIV. Starbound ... it all just kind of meshes together into a glob of accrued worthless trivia. But even when I force myself to stop, I often stare at a blank canvas with my mind even emptier than the screen... I thought, if only I could have kept up with the Shipping and Handling project, I'd be such a better artist by now. I'd be able to crank out pictures in an hour! So many hours... so many pictures never drawn...
I wanted to say more, Celestia. I'm sorry but I seem to have run out. Maybe I'll try again soon.