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About Digital Art / Student Member Cyclone DuskMale/United States Recent Activity
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Competence,
Confidence,
Consequence.


Today was terrible.

I wish I had more to say, Princess. I've failed the lessons of friendship and lost many friends. 

There are so many things that went wrong. I am not sure how I can regret a 12 hour period so much. All of the infractions seemed so trivial on their own, and each one I look at, every step that made everything get worse, I just can't see how I would've reacted differently or changed anything. 

In my incompetence I failed to properly account for how much the thoughtless actions of others would combine to knock me down. And then, in failing to account for that hurt, I said stupid things that ALSO blindly harmed others, and that prompted another to intentionally harm me.

And then I confided in someone I thought I could trust about how I was feeling, hoping that they would set me straight and help me figure out how I screwed up. Except I totally f#@%ing botched it and it sounded like I was complaining, which created even more toxicity... and then this person I trusted just DUMPS what I told them in confidence right back onto the person who lashed out at me, giving them ammunition to push my buttons again.

All day I've been trying to figure out how the hell this could happen. I used to think that friendship was more important than this, stronger than this, but now I'm having serious doubts about who my friends actually even are. It seems every minute has been a battle to keep myself from lashing out as that one hamfisted lout had. I'm struggling not to sink to their level... yet I feel like I'm already the lowest of the low. 

This whole farce has destroyed my credibility with the entire group. It's hard to argue with that little voice that says "They already hate you. They already are disgusted with you. You're already worthless to them. In their eyes, you're guilty. Why not give them an actual legitimate reason to feel that way, now that they already do?" 

It's hard.

But I'm still trying. Help me, Celestia... I'm trying... 

I've broken down in tears several times today. Very seldom have I felt so hopeless. But who am I kidding? This isn't about me. This is about them. How I failed them. I let them down. At one point, these folks were my friends, and now they're not. When you're friends with someone, you are relevant to them; you have a presence in their lives that can make a difference. Truly if I had ever been their friend, which must have been the case once upon a time, I must have been able to have some influence over this outcome. 

I'm desperate to learn, Princess. I wish you could write me back and help me learn from this horrible failure.

I'm so sorry.

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Cyclone-Dusk
Cyclone Dusk
Artist | Student | Digital Art
United States
Only Candy Colored Equines Make The Hurting Stop...

And I've been happier and more peaceful ever since, even though my life has arguably only gotten worse. As long as I can keep drawing ponies, I'm happy. Please let me know if you'd like me to draw something! I accept donations via Paypal ^_^ but you don't have to give me anything; I just appreciate if you think I deserve something.

If you ever get a crazy generous vibe out of the blue:

Paypal: mtd.mobius@gmail.com
Dogecoin: DEj92fFeCJz1jaxv3Jc6UK727ACCKqiP6G
(many beg, such supplicate, very puppydog eyes, wow, so humility)
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:iconsteerpikeofficial:
SteerpikeOFFICIAL Featured By Owner 1 day ago  New member
Wow, it looks like we have some simular interests.
Reply
:iconwolfjedisamuel:
wolfjedisamuel Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Student Digital Artist
So it's your birthday, it it would see Pinkie has invaded your time to greet you. Well, allow a wolf as my self to intervene.
I wish you may best on your birthday  :cake: 
Reply
:iconaffinitypony:
AffinityPony Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Student Filmographer
Happy Birthday!
:iconparty1plz: :airborne:
Reply
:iconarmosk:
Armosk Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014
:iconpinkieisexcitedplz::iconsaysplz: Happy Birthday!:iconpinkiepiecakeplz:
Reply
:icontwilightismagic:
TwilightIsMagic Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Student General Artist
:iconpinkiebounce2plz::iconsaysplz:Over here, everypony! My Pinkie sense is telling me they're here!
:icontwilighthappyplz::iconsaysplz:Hi! Pinkie Pie invited us all to her friend's birthday party, and...
:iconpinkiepiesmileplz::iconsaysplz:And that friend is you! Happy birthday!:iconpinkiepartyplz:
:iconapplejackplz::iconsaysplz:Ah've brought an apple pie along for you, sugarcube!:iconapplepieplz:
:iconrarityplz::iconsaysplz:And I, speaking for all of us, wish you all the best in your life and all your endeavours!
:iconfluttershywinkplz::iconsaysplz:I hope that you'll have a wonderful time and that trouble will pass you by.
:iconcutedashsmileplz::iconsaysplz:And no matter what happens, remember that we'll always be your friends. Stay awesome!
:iconponyangelplz::iconsaysplz:May the magic of friendship and all it contains be ever with you.
:iconmlpspikeplz::iconsaysplz:And if you ever feel down, don't forget that that you're the hero of your life's story, and no-one else can be better at it than you!
:iconparty0plz::iconsaysplz:Now come on, you all, it's time to start the party for real!
Reply
:iconmister-games:
mister-games Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Student General Artist
Happy birthday :D
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:iconprofessorbutters:
professorbutters Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you SO MUCH for the fan art. It made me SO HAPPY!
Reply
:iconthe11doctorsgirl:
The11DoctorsGirl Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This art is all so cute :3
Reply
:iconshrivak:
shrivak Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Waaaaiiiiiit a plum-pickin' minute!
I've seen yer art before!

WELL DANG! HOWDY THERE!
Reply
:iconsneaky-snake-designs:
Sneaky-Snake-Designs Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I sent you a reply FB message!
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